LIfe is a wave; surf it elegantly, or cling to flotsam?

The only thing that is constant in this life is change.
Nothing stays the same. Nothing lasts. Nothing is guaranteed.


The world - by which I mean the body; mind; emotions; senses; desires; atmosphere; season; environment; climate; people; economy; society; the family; the earth; the WHOLE WORLD - is constantly changing.
That change is very simply the nature of the world we live in. The universe is expanding, and we have learnt to think of ourselves as a static point within a changing world, but what is that static point really?

‘Self sabotage: when your best intentions come undone’.

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away…


***

… a little girl drove through the city suburbs with her parents. As they passed through the wealthiest area, her Mother pointed to the big houses and said:

“You see this – this is where the bad people live”.

That girl grew up into a beautiful woman who somehow never seemed to have enough money!

***

… There was a very young boy who thought that his Father was an all-powerful Superhero! He loved his Father so much that he lived for the moments when He spent time with him; played with him; gave him attention. Unfortunately his Father was A Very Busy Man, and those moments only came when the boy was sick, injured, or in trouble.

When that boy grew up, he was unable to see how beautiful he was: he believed that he was only deserving of love, attention and play, if he was sick, injured, or in trouble. He spent many years constantly sick, injured, or in trouble, without knowing why!..
***

SELF-AWARENESS

The purpose of life.

We all know that moment of bliss, where our ego melts away and all that is left is a feeling of absolute unity, complete perfection, perfect love. We all know it, because it's in all of us - it's our nature; our essence.
The real question is - how to expand that moment until it becomes our primary experience, rather than just a fleeting, occasional glimpse...?

THE LIMIT OF MY COMPASSION

"My body was telling me not to leave. I didn’t listen..."


As I sat in meditation this morning a memory passed like a freight train through my mind:

the memory of what was by far the longest and hardest day of my life.

I’ve learnt to know the difference between low-key, ‘random’ thoughts, and deeply subconscious ‘stuff’ that comes up in meditation for good reason; so I paid attention.

In May 2008, a couple of weeks after Petra and I got married here in Slovenia, I had a phone call from my Mother. She told me if I wanted to see my (very sick) Father again, I’d better come soon. I  came off the phone and immediately booked a flight for the following day. I would fly back to England on the Friday, stay the weekend, and come home to Slovenia on Monday morning. (Petra was leaving on the Tuesday morning to go to India for a month to study Ayurvedic massage, and I wanted to see her off).

I flew home with the realization that this was probably the last time I’d see my Father – a realization that filled my whole physical and emotional being with a deep sadness. He’d been ill for a long time, and we’d all known this moment would be coming, but even so… there is no way to prepare for loss. It happens, and then you deal with it.

WHAT IS GROUNDED SPIRITUALITY?

Grounded spirituality is an approach to life founded on an experience of reality. It's for people who have a 'healthy skepticism', but are nevertheless faithful.

It is a way of life that simultaneously embraces rooted-ness (being ‘down to earth’), and star-gazing. This wonderful quote from Oscar Wilde comes to mind…

“we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars…”

We are not really American, or English, or Slovene, or any other nationality.
First and foremost, we are Earthlings.

Whether you were born here or there; whether your skin is black or white; whether you speak this language or that language, or many languages, or none at all, I don’t care.

You are the same as I am. We are separate only by appearance, and through perception.

Another wonderful quote comes to mind, from Shakespeare:

King Richard II:

“Cover your heads and mock not flesh and blood

With solemn reverence:

throw away respect, tradition, form and ceremonious duty,

For you have but mistook me all this while:

I live with bread like you, feel want, taste grief, need friends:

subjected thus, how can you say to me, I am a king?”

Whether you are a king or a beggar;

CEO of a multinational business, or the cleaner who sweeps the floor;

a teacher or a student:

you live with bread, feel want, taste grief, and need friends. 

Just like me.

We are all, basically, the same. We all want to be happy. And for all of us, the ultimate happiness is the true experience of love.

Grounded Spirituality is for you if  you recognize that heaven is a place on earth. Sometimes, for us to accept that, we have to first know hell – and it’s also a place on earth. 

“… if you know what life is worth, you will look for yours on earth…” (Bob Marley)

Grounded Spirituality is for people who want to change the world, one step at a time, by embodying that change themselves.

It’s for people who know that the world is in them, and not the other way around.

It’s for those who know that in order to realize our divine self, we first have to realize our humanity.

Ancient Zen saying:

“Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.”

Grounded Spirituality is not an escape. It is not a fantasy. It is not a new-age airy-fairy get-away.

It’s the opposite. It’s about ‘keeping it real’ and upholding your responsibilities; being able to stand up in any situation with your head held high, knowing that you are doing the right thing, even though sometimes that can be painful.

It’s about being a ‘peaceful warrior’, having the courage to stay open to every possibility; closed to none.

It’s about knowing that truth is beyond perception; 

but going ahead and trying to perceive truth anyway.

Grounded Spirituality, to me, is a challenge and an invitation and a call to arms.

What is it to you?

HEALING: A personal example

WOW!

This morning I had a major breakthrough. I’m going to tell you how I:
- overcame a serious personal blockage;
- let go of an inherited fear that was preventing me from feeling great;
- paved the way for a much greater degree of success in my work.


I had been feeling 'out of sorts' for a few weeks now:

• First of all I haven’t had much work, which means not much money - Eek! A month ago I had an average of six / seven clients a week. The last three weeks I’ve had one or two. If you've ever been self employed, with no one to pay your wages / sick leave / taxes / holidays etc. you'll know what this feels like.
• Secondly, I’ve been feeling kind of ‘foggy’ – unable to think clearly and unable to put my resolutions into action. In a word: incoherent. For example, I haven't been able to write - even though I’ve been trying to write something every day, nothing has been coming out. Both my blog and my book have been neglected – typical example of writer's block. Every time I tried to write something I felt that it was no good: I didn't have the confidence to publish anything.
• Thirdly, for the last three days I had a headache. Not a really bad headache – just one of those nagging, dull, annoying pains that just won’t go away; I was even waking up in the middle of the night with it.

All in all, I've been feeling pretty bad! So I knew something was wrong…

MEDITATION part 2

I was very lucky - when I learnt to meditate for the first time, I had a very good teacher.

Teaching, to me, is all about transmitting - in other words beyond what you say and what you do as a teacher, there is a sharing of the essence of what you teach. As a yoga instructor, when I run a class, I am of course giving verbal instructions, and correcting poses, but at the same time I am allowing the essence of yoga to flow through me. This is what I mean by transmission.

Well, my first meditation teacher did that very well.

MEDITATION

What is meditation?

I want to demystify meditation, and make it accessible to everyone. So I'm going to tell you in very simple terms what meditation is, and I'm going to share some of my experiences with you - partly to inspire, and partly to show you what is possible.


Meditation is really very simple:
It is the combination of deep relaxation, and focused concentration.

WILL you help me?

Dear friends,

Firstly:
- please let me know what you want! I have articles planned on:

• meditation;
• proper diet and vegetarianism;
• exercise;
• healing;
• breathing exercises;
• positive thinking;
• yoga;
• the placebo effect...

WHO ARE YOU?!

My Father was very fond of saying:

"there are two types of people in this world..."

Well, guess what?
There are two types of people in this world :)
People who think about the question "who am I?", and people who avoid that thought at all costs. It's the difference between thinking deeply, and trying not to. As Bertrand Russell said in one of my favorite quotes:

"Most people would sooner die than think. In fact, they do so!"

WHAT IS LOVE?

Love is not an emotion, although it sometimes manifests in that way.
Love is not a human trait, although sometimes we like to think so.
Love has nothing to do with relationship, except when two people are completely open to each other - and then those two don't have to be 'in a relationship'.


There are many words for love. My favorite is consciousness. But love has been called by many other names: God; Jesus; Spirit; Great Spirit; Yahweh; Nature; Universe; Reality; Tao...
The great Taoist Lao Tzu, in the opening of the Tao Te Ching says:

"The Tao that can be spoken of is not the real Tao."

ENERGY: my personal experience of Kundalini Energy

 Awaken the snake: a tale of Kundalini and orgasm.

I originally wrote this article in response to the question: “How can I learn to feel my chakras?” from a student.

In answering that question, I found myself writing about Kundali.

Kundalini is a vast reservoir of natural energy that lies dormant in most people, until 'activated'. This activation is a process: it happens quite naturally and slowly as we evolve. But the process of evolution can be accelerated through disciplined spiritual practice. When the kundalini 'awakens', our consciousness changes: we become much more aware.

This article presents my own personal experience of this awakening...

WHAT IS HEALTH?

Many people (including many doctors!) view HEALTH like this: "we are healthy when there is nothing wrong".

You know what? When you look at health like that, you are really just waiting to get sick!

I'm going to share with you some information that not many people know, and fewer understand.

I want to tell you WHAT HEALTH REALLY IS.

I'm also going to give you 5 practical tips which, if applied intelligently, will transform your life!

Health is not a lack of disease. It is not the absence of sickness. It is not a negative anything. But many people (including many doctors!) view it like this: "we are healthy when there is nothing wrong".

You know what? When you look at health like that, you are really just waiting to get sick!

AN OPPORTUNITY

I have no idea why, but a friend of mine here in Slovenia asked me to write an article about Autism. So I will! I like a good challenge...


The reason it's a challenge is because I don't feel myself to be any kind of authority on the subject. My experience is limited:
I spent a year of my life working with young people for a charity in England called the Prince's Trust. My job was to recruit 15 young people (aged 15 - 25), and then lead them through a 12 week course, which included many different things, for example a two week community project, a week of team building exercises in Wales (canoeing, rock climbing, bridge-building), and a week with the fire brigade. I ran three such courses, and on one of them I recruited Rosie, a 16 year old girl with Asperger's syndrome - a form of autism...

EGO 2 - don't fight it!

Ok, so in the first article on ego (EGO 1) I said that the ego is not real. I said that ego is really an illusion. I also said that "much of the spiritual 'work' that many people do and have done for many years, is almost a waste of time."

I have to qualify my statement that the ego is not real. So first, I need to speak about reality:


Reality is subjective. But it's also absolute!
What do I mean?
I mean that there is a subjective reality, and an absolute reality.
Two people experience one event and remember differently what happened - memory is subjective. But it doesn't mean that two different things happened does it? It means that in reality, experience is subjective.
The reason for this subjectivity is that we don't experience reality as it is - we filter it. We have a filter between the world and our brain called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It literally filters the information that comes to us from the outside world.


If you have never heard of a car called a Saab before, then you don't see Saabs. As soon as you hear of it - as soon as it enters your awareness, you begin to see them!
How is this possible? One minute (in your experience) the car doesn't exist - the next minute they're everywhere!!...

SUCCESS: coherence and intention

The following quotes are a "conversation" from my facebook page. I originally wrote  this 'status update' about intention:

"...without intention, we are like dry leaves in the wind – at the mercy of random forces far beyond our control or understanding. But with intention all of those forces are seen to be what they truly are: ours."

 My friend Metka asked me to write about it and the following conversation ensued (bear with me):

Metka: "the wind can be too strong, blowing away the ability to know the intention"


Ben: "With pure intention, the wind is always behind us."


Metka: "with pure intention the wind is positive and colourful, and you are sailing peacefuly - untill the wind decides to be naughy and stops blowing immediately, leaving you lost in the middle of the sea. Which way to choose to find intention? Or just wait for it to come itself? It is not easy and simple at all."

Metka's questions prompted me to write about a very important topic. Important to success in all areas of life - health, relationship, work, personal life: COHERENCE.

COMMUNICATION, anger, and atheism

Recently, I read a very strong blog about atheism. I say strong because it's well written, and the ideas put across are well thought out. But it's also strong in another sense - there's a lot of anger! In fact one of the key articles is: 'Atheism and Anger'*.

As I read it I remembered something that Tony Samara once said:
"Anger is a lack of communication".

RELAXATION 2 - Importance of relaxation

As I said in the first part of this series, our society does not value relaxation: we are not taught how to relax.

The result of this is that we live in a society which is very stressful! (Stress being the opposite of relaxation).

One of the biggest stresses, let's face it, is other people: people are not relaxed, they are stressed, and that makes US more stressed! Know what I mean?

Take a look around - how many of the faces you see are relaxed and smiling, and how many are hard looking, grumpy, sad, stressful faces?
I used to think that I was an 'island' - that I was not affected by other people's moods and energy. Now I see how hard it is to really remain centered and free from those influences...

A TRIBUTE to my Father

2 years ago today, my Father died.

I don't like looking back - I too much enjoy being present to this momentary NOW, and it took me a long time to get here!

But sometimes it's necessary to acknowledge (to recognize and to accept) that part of the present is our connection with the past. Sometimes it's necessary to look back and reflect upon where we came from. Today feels like one of those times...

My Old Man died of a rare neurological disease called Motor Neurone Disease (or ALS if you're American, or sometimes it's known as Lou Gehrig's disease - that's how rare it is: no one can agree what to call it!)

It's a particularly bad disease to get (in case you're planning on getting a disease) because it's basically a slow burning death sentence. Bit by bit, the body stops working. And the medical establishments have no idea what causes it, and less idea what to do about it.

My Dad's disease first showed up in his throat - one day his speech started slurring. He told me about a phone call he’d had from an old work colleague - who asked him if he'd been drinking. He wasn't a big drinker - actually, he was one of the most sober people you could ever meet. So this old work colleague was surprised! But he hadn't been drinking. It's just that his vocal chords were wasting away.

In the end, his body packed in completely. I had a phone call one day from my Mother - if I wanted to see him again while he was still alive I should come home soon. So I got on a plane the next day, and spent the weekend with him. It was one of the saddest things I've ever seen in my life - the man who when I was a child, seemed super-human; my hero, reduced to a skeletal 'bag of bones'.

I've seen footage of the American G.I.'s who liberated the Nazi concentration camps, and they were crying like babies: those men who'd fought their way through the second world war, openly crying their eyes out at the sight of the camp prisoners. That's how I felt. But this was a man I knew. My Father.

I spent the weekend with him. He couldn't speak, so there wasn't much communication. He couldn't even hold eye contact, because his neck muscles couldn't support the weight of his head. He was very weak. But when the time came for me to leave, he made a huge effort to sit up, and we hugged. I whispered in his ear,

"I love you Pops".

He looked at me for a long moment, and gave me a 'gesture', like a nod, that I'll never forget. That simple gesture expressed all at once encouragement, love, and respect. And in his eyes I saw that he was at peace.

We both knew, He and I, that we would never see each other again.

Seeing the peace in his eyes that day was one of the most beautiful moments of my life!

The saddest and most beautiful moments of my life, in one weekend. What a rollercoaster ride!

Why was that moment beautiful? Because for years he'd been fighting with life. He was quite a fighter too - he would fight on and on until the bitter end (which is exactly what he did then), and never admit defeat. There were only two choices for him - victory or defeat, success or failure.

In life, he couldn't see another way - it was only in the manner of his death that he knew peace and acceptance.

I'd been trying for years to get him to see that sometimes we have to accept life on it's own terms. Sometimes we have to bow down to a higher power: god; destiny; spirit; a deeper wisdom - call it what you will. Sometimes, LIFE has plans for us, and the only way to be happy and healthy is to YIELD to those plans. To ‘go with the flow’.

I'd been trying for years, and of course my trying mirrored his fighting! My Father's son! So the more I tried, the more he fought, and the more frustrated I became. And we grew apart a little...

But in that moment, when he looked into my eyes and I saw that serenity, peace, acceptance... in that moment he taught me what I had been trying all along, in my vanity and ego, to teach him!

It's not easy - to surrender control. To surrender. But it's so important. I believe that the disease my Father had (Motor Neurone / ALS / Lou Gehrig’s disease) is caused by that refusal to surrender. I believe that it probably happens mostly to people who want to CONTROL life, and can't stand to admit defeat.

(I would love to have the opportunity to work with someone who has MND – I’m a healer – to see if I'm right: to see if I can heal them. If you know anyone who has it, and has the courage to fight it in an alternative way, to try something new, point them in my direction please.)

Nothing is incurable if you know the cause.

So here's my tribute to my Father: my first hero, and a wonderful man. He taught me in life the importance of honesty and integrity; and in his death he taught me the importance of surrender and acceptance. What a great teacher!

He died two years ago today, but he lives on in my heart.

If you enjoyed this post, you might particularly like this – the story of what happened after I hugged him goodbye, got in a taxi, and went to the airport. The story of the longest, hardest day of my life, and probably also the single biggest lesson I ever learnt.

Before you go, please spread the love – share via FB, Tweet, Stumbleupon, etc… and leave a comment.

HAPPINESS

1. Realise consciously that the only thing you REALLY want is to be deeply happy.

2. Understand that happiness is an inner experience. It is inside yourself, or nowhere! Therefore nothing and no one can give it to you.

3. Look  inside for that happiness, and cultivate it consciously, doing (as much as possible) only things which make you happy!

4. Accept your mistakes, failings, and so on... don't resist them, it will slow you down (in other words, if you have a bad day, and you really struggle to be happy,  don't worry!. Tomorrow is another day: every day you get better and better in every way)...