Low Self-esteem (and what to do about it)

“I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your 
own being”

 ~ Hafiz

You may suspect that you have low self-esteem,
but you probably have no idea what to do about it!
Most articles about self-esteem talk about thinking positively, making affirmations, smiling a lot, etc. These things are just band-aids – they will only serve to suppress the truth about how you feel about yourself for a short time. I am not interested in band-aids. I am interested in prevention and cure…

In this post I’m going to tell you what self-esteem is really all about; how it is negatively affected; why I think it’s hugely important that we do do something about it – and what to do.
What is self-esteem?
(other than a term that is much used and little understood)
My definition of self-esteem is 5 words:
~ ‘how deeply you love yourself’ ~
So, how deeply do you love yourself?!
(Don’t worry, I’ll help you answer that question quite accurately in just a moment)…


Newspaper interview re: RPT

I was interviewed recently about Reference Point Therapy for a national newspaper. The journalist asked some excellent questions, so I decided to write up the transcript of the interview for a blog post.
Here it is:

-       RPT is the fastest and most efficient method in the world for healing trauma. On what is it based?
It is based on two things – the science of epigenetics (which has proven that ancestral trauma directly affects our own life), and the ancient wisdom of many spiritual traditions, which assert that the essence of the human being is pure consciousness.
-       What kind of traumas can be healed in this way? Is this specific traumas – like car accidents or death – or can there also be subconscious traumas that block the individuals development.
Well, so far it seems that any kind of trauma may be healed with this method. The only kind of trauma that we have no experience trying to heal yet is the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder of soldiers returning from combat (we simply didn’t have the opportunity to work on this yet). But car accidents, grief, serious abuse trauma (sexual, physical, emotional, etc), childhood abandonment and neglect… I have not come across any kind of trauma yet that was not healed with this method. And yes, subconscious traumas do block our development, and it is the very purpose of RPT to unblock our development!
-       Do you perhaps know the answer to the question “ why some people are more prone to accidents / bad things happening to them”. Is this perhaps to do with subconscious blockages, energy which attracts these things?
As a matter of fact, I do! The human being is made up of energy (consciousness). When we experience our highest potential (pure consciousness), we vibrate energetically in ‘tune’ with the world around us. But when our experience is blocked by the effects of unresolved trauma, we vibrate at a much lower level – and there is no ‘flow’. Being ‘in the zone’ is a well known expression – some people live in the zone. Others experience is fleetingly, but we all understand that it is possible. Ultimately, the extent to which we are able to live in the zone is the extent to which we have resolved our trauma. So yes, it is very much to do with subconscious blockages that attract ‘negative’ experiences. Although life is messy, and there will always be experiences that we would choose not to have – but a person who has a high level of consciousness will cope much better than someone who has many unresolved issues.
-       How does the session look? How long is it on average? How is it different from other therapies, which are recommendable for eliminating traumatic events, (for example classical psychotherapy).
The session is entirely talk-based. On average it is 90 minutes, but this depends on the therapist. It is most notably different from other types of trauma therapy in that the actual trauma (what happened) is not ‘relived’. The therapist only needs to know that something happened (trauma). The nature of the trauma is irrelevant – because actually, we cannot heal the trauma itself (we cannot make it go away – because it happened, and we can’t change that!). What we can change is how it makes us feel now (the consequences of the trauma). Another notable difference is that unlike many other methods that take a long time to heal trauma (for example classical psychotherapy), RPT is very fast. Trauma can often be healed permanently in just one session – this is because we get right to the cause of the problem. And the cause of the problem, in case you are wondering, is survival instincts.
-       People often are not aware how traumas from the past define us. And they can’t even put them into words. In what way does the therapist pull out trauma from a client which he isn’t even aware of.
First of all, part of the training of an RPT therapist is in the development of intuition. So in the rare case that a client really has no idea what causes their problem, I am always able to tell them! However, I find that almost every client knows just as much as they need to know in order to heal themselves (with my help). If something is forgotten, it is because it is no longer needed. And RPT gives us the precise tools to be able to access exactly what we need to access in order to heal our problems and raise our consciousness.
-       Can you perhaps give an example of the positive effects of the therapy (of course without names) or maybe in general. How does the person who came to the session with deep trauma feel when it’s no longer there. How perhaps does his thinking change, and his behavior?
One client had a 20-year history of clinical depression, and had attempted suicide. When she came to me she had tried countless different types of medical and alternative healing / therapy, including pharmaceutical drugs. Nothing helped. After one session she was healed (the cause had been childhood abuse trauma), and when I saw her again 18 months later (recently) she remains free of depression. I also found out that she had been diagnosed (18 months ago) with a serious thyroid problem that required surgery. After our session, her thyroid was also healed, and remains so to this day, as evidenced by regular medical check-ups. This is just one example of many such ‘miraculous’ cases. It seems miraculous on the surface, but actually, when you understand that trauma is responsible for most of our problems, it is no miracle at all!
How does the person feel after healing – lighter, less burdened. The feeling is usually subtle (no fireworks or hysteria!), but there is a definite transformation. They will notice that the change is apparent in every area of their life: relationships, self-esteem, clarity of thought, emotional reactions… because what has changed is the person themself. They are more themself now. So everything changes, in a subtle, but powerful and positive way – and most importantly, the change is permanent.
-       Some people, on certain points of their lives, can no longer go on. They are controlled by fears, for which they don’t have a reasonable explanation. Can these blockages have as their source, unconscious trauma.
Almost all subconscious blockages are caused by the effects of unresolved trauma.
-       The therapy is based on the science of consciousness. Does it work in spite of the fact that the client does not believe in it.
It is not necessary to believe anything for RPT to work! Any therapy that requires belief on the part of the client in order to be successful relies on the placebo effect. RPT recognizes the placebo effect, and is far more successful than placebo based therapies. One of the reasons for this is that with RPT we also recognize that a person can only heal a problem when they take responsibility for it – in fact, taking responsibility is the first step (and the hardest). So taking responsibility is what is necessary, and actually, it is the opposite of belief!
-       Can we help ourselves with this therapy also with physical problems.
Yes, because the physical body is also an expression (albeit, a material expression) of consciousness. Problems that manifest in the body are almost always first experienced on the mental and emotional level, but we suppress them. The body then has no choice but to show symptoms on the physical level. All aspects of us are made up of consciousness, and when we heal the subconscious blockage, all aspects of us are healed – mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.
-       In what way can we use the method in our profession and maybe also in general in more positive way of living or acting?
This is a very good question. Really, you are asking whether this technique is only for people with ‘problems’, and the answer is emphatically ‘no’! Despite enjoying wonderful physical, emotional, and mental health, I continue to practice this method on myself. Why? Because as we raise our consciousness by becoming more aware, and by releasing our fears, we enjoy greater levels of joy, inner peace, and abundance. For me, RPT is much more than a therapy. It is a unique method of personal development and spiritual growth.