28/07/2010

‘Self sabotage: when your best intentions come undone’.



Once upon a time, in a land not so far away…


***
… a little girl drove through the city suburbs with her parents. As they passed through the wealthiest area, her Mother pointed to the big houses and said:
“You see this – this is where the bad people live”.
That girl grew up into a beautiful woman who somehow never seemed to have enough money!
***
… There was a very young boy who thought that his Father was an all-powerful Superhero! He loved his Father so much that he lived for the moments when He spent time with him; played with him; gave him attention. Unfortunately his Father was A Very Busy Man, and those moments only came when the boy was sick, injured, or in trouble.
When that boy grew up, he was unable to see how beautiful he was: he believed that he was only deserving of love, attention and play, if he was sick, injured, or in trouble. He spent many years constantly sick, injured, or in trouble, without knowing why!..
***

… A sensitive, emotional boy wanted nothing more than to play and enjoy his childhood. His Father didn’t want a sensitive, emotional boy – he wanted a tough, hard boy, because he thought that the world was tough and hard. So he told his son all the time that he was useless, and he didn’t let him play – his boy had to work all the time so that he would become tough and hard. So guess what? That boy grew into a man who always felt useless, and only ever wanted to hide, escape, and play!
***
… A curious 5 year old girl was at kindergarten. It was rest time, and all the children were laying down under blankets to have a nap. Our heroine lay on her belly, and began to feel a strange sensation in her abdomen. It was her first experience of sexual energy, and it felt wonderful! She wanted to explore this new gift. Under the blanket she pulled her pants down and began to play with that energy.
Unfortunately the teacher saw what she was doing and whipped the blanket away to expose and humiliate her in front of the whole class.
That little girl grew into a woman who found it very difficult to enjoy sex…
***
These are true stories which I use here to illustrate how our underlying attitudes are sometimes ‘ruled’ by subconscious beliefs and associations, which in turn dominate our lives. This is what I refer to as a ‘subconscious blockage’. To be clear: the above four people came to me because they had problems in their life with wealth, health , self esteem, and sex, in that order. Clearing people’s subconscious blockages is part of my work as a healer.

Other examples of very common blockages are those towards success; failure; and change.

A blockage towards success might manifest itself as persistent ‘bad luck’. You might always be just that one step away from achieving what you want – but never quite getting there.
A blockage towards failure might look the same as the blockage towards success (never achieving the results you would like) but it happens for a different reason: because you are afraid of failing, you never really commit yourself fully. Perhaps life without success is simply more ‘comfortable’ than the possibility of failure?

In 3 months, I will be a Father. I am delighted and overjoyed, and have been since my wife and I found out. However, the impeding BIG CHANGE also helped me to discover in myself (and heal) a BIG FEAR, which you can read about here. 

I once saw someone wearing a T-shirt with the words “Your parents fuck you up. They may not mean to, but they do,” printed on the back.
There’s some truth written on that T-shirt!
However, it’s not our parent’s faults – on the contrary: they inherited their issues from your Grandparents, who inherited them from your Great Grandparents, and it’s just a pattern that goes on and on, far back through our ancestors. It’s also not only the parents that do the damage… it can be teachers, other family members, neighbors, and institutions (such as a church.
The fact is that our society is really in a big, big mess.
It doesn’t value the heart. It doesn’t value spirit. It doesn’t value value!
Our society does value power, sex, and fame. It values quantity over quality; history over truth; appearance over reality; drama, controversy, and sensationalism over harmony. It has been doing this for a very long time. The result? Corruption, greed, and ignorance at the very root of our daily experience: at home, at school, and in the media.
So it’s not our parent’s fault at all. If they were mis-educated themselves, how could they know better?
In fact, the real issue is not whose fault it is, but what WE are doing about it.

It’s time for us to really look at the situation honestly. We owe it to our children to do so.
Can we afford to continue repeating the same old patterns again and again? The same patterns of abuse, aggression, fear, corruption…
Or should we think a bit more deeply about what could be – about our potential as a species – about the possibilities for humankind?

My purpose in writing this is not to frighten the hell out of you, nor is it to make you introspect to the point of gazing at your navel!
The real intention behind all my work is to inspire and motivate people towards the kind of profound, lasting healing that I know is possible.
I have found that there is a new paradigm of alternative healing  emerging, based on the unprecedented new relationship slowly being formed between science and spirituality. Those two age-old enemies have begun to realize that they have actually been saying the same thing all along, only in different languages.
Slowly, they are beginning to speak in the same tongue, and the results are really quite astonishing. For example, various spiritual traditions have spoken for many thousands of years about body-consciousness. Science has recently found that the cells of our body carry memory (and therefore consciousness). For a remarkable example, read this article on epigenetics  from Time magazine (It also explains very well what I mean when I say that very often, our blockages are inherited).

This merging of the boundaries between science and spirituality has led to a revolution in healing, that means it is faster and easier than ever before to let go of these old blockages and patterns that hold us back.

We are innately perfect. We are pure consciousness. You are pure, perfect, divine consciousness. You were born that way, and you will always remain that way.
The reason why you sometimes don’t feel perfect and divine is that mankind has forgotten it’s essence – it’s divine nature. But the truth is, as is written in the bible – we were created in the image of God.

So, if we’re really perfect, all we need to do is let go of all that is blocking us from our experience of perfection, and remember our essential nature!
That is what the new paradigm of healing is all about: simply letting go of the blockages.
It means that the old paradigm – which said that healing was hard work; took a long time; and could only be done by ‘special’ people – is redundant. It is now possible to transform limiting blockages into unlimited potential.

My belief is that we will not change the world into a more peaceful place until we do this work on ourselves. All the anti-war protests, angry environmentalist blog articles, and political posturing do very little to support real, lasting change.
I believe that is why Mother Theresa  said:
“…I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations… as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.”
We need to free ourselves from the violence, greed, and selfishness that is within, before we can hope to see our love manifest outwardly.

What do you think – have you experienced letting go, or healing, of subconscious blockages? Please feel free to share your experiences, thoughts, and ideas by leaving a comment.

10 comments:

Juliana Matthews said...

Great post Ben.
We are born without any hang-ups but before our first birthday we start to hear the word "NO". I believe this sets the seeds for the patterns of self-sabotage, denial and emotional blockages that allow each and every one of us to reach our true spiritual potential.
I try to live my life along a spiritual pathway but I recognise my own patterns of self-sabotage, a fear of success, constantly accepting mediocre rather than believing I deserve the best.
Have been toying with the idea of trying Reiki as it is supposedly good for clearing energy channels. What do you think?

Ben Ralston said...

Hi Juliana,
I trained in Reiki and Bio-energy healing, before finding Reference Point Therapy, an alternative healing method that is science, as well as metaphysics/spirituality based. It is unique in that it helps us to release the blockages that cause the patterns you refer to - it also helps us to release inherited trauma - from BEFORE we were born! Birth trauma is also important... (I will write an article about birthing soon I hope. It's a fascinating subject, and as important as anything can be.)
So, I think Reiki is ok, but a limited to be honest.
Some of my other posts explain why in a little more detail, such as:
This - http://benralston.blogspot.com/2010/06/success-coherence-and-intention.html
To explain... the reason it's limited is because it works on energy. And there are levels of our consciousness beneath energy, deeper, that need healing.
Love,
Ben

Antonia Blanca said...

Very nice, Ben. I agree. We are the ones that block our own paths at times. Our subsconscious and the things we've been taught inadvertently block our own futures and successes. We need to reprogram ourselves to succeed, to surpass the obstacles. Great read. Thanks!

nothingprofound said...

Wonderful, Ben, that you have the skill and interest to help those people out of their life ruts. Keep up the good work!

Ben Ralston said...

Thank you Antonia, for your positive and uplifting response. Your word 'Reprogramming' is a good way to put it!
Love,
Ben

Ben Ralston said...

And Nothingprofound, thank you. You keep it up too, because I know you're doing the same thing, albeit from a different angle.
Love

Gillean said...

Great post, Ben!! I love to be inspired and so delight in having someone encourage me to think and be in thought over something. Taking time to appreciate God's gift, each one of us is often one of our own hardest lifetime accomplishments. Being 'brain trained' to see ourselves as 'a work in progress,' less than we are and not just being allowed to appreciate our unique design created by God isn't exactly a class offered in the public school system. But, you know it might just be immensely helpful to offer or mandate a class on self-morale, appreciation of our unique differences and understanding more about the human element and how similar rather than how different children feel like they are from their classmates. :) I look forward to being asked to think and consider again and again. Thanks and said.

Ben Ralston said...

Thank you Gillian, it's wonderful that you are open to being asked to think and consider... so many people close themselves and decide not to grow.
With love,
Ben

Ben Ralston said...

Via Elephant Journal:
Ginny says:
August 14, 2010 at 08:31
Regardless of what society values, I've learned it's easy to promote certain values in my home. I practiced attachment style parenting and modeled sincerity. No strollers, no plastic baby carriers, no cribs. Extended breast feeding. If a baby cried, he was held. If a toddler melted down, she was picked up and comforted, not punished. Although my marriage fell apart, my family did not. They're teenagers now and I'm constantly amazed by how we get along and enjoy each other. One is ready to leave home now and he seems so prepared. The cycle of bad parenting can be broken. My healing with my parents occurred when I didn't repeat their mistakes.

Ben Ralston said...

Via Elephant Journal:
Sidney Cannon says:
August 14, 2010 at 08:47
I have never posted a comment on an article or blog until now. Your article is beautiful and inspirational. I will be sharing this article with my children (4), family, and friends. I look forward to reading your blog, and exploring my own "road blocks or blockages" with an ever deepening Buddhist and personal practice. My very best to you and your growing family. Thank you very much for sharing.

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